South Park oneshots (ships)
by OHSHITIt'sJennXD
Summary: NO LEMON! I take ship requests
1. Chapter 1

_*BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*_

* * *

The machine attached to his mother rythymitaclly beeped. Kyle knew, with an impending sense of dread, that heart rate monitor will stop any moment. He stood behind his brother, Ike, who had started to cry already. He felt bad for Ike but also a little envious. Why envious? Well, Ike could let out his tears shamelessly without judgement. Kyle was the headstrong child, the shoulder to cry on when anyone needed it. This resulted in him never getting his own shoulder. His father, Jared, was also silently weeping, knowing his wife would be dead soon. Kyle had to hold in the tears that welled in his eyes.

* * *

 _*BEEEEEEEEEPPP*_

* * *

Just like that, Sheila Broflovski, happy, smart, fierce Sheila Broflovski had left the world. Dead, the light in her eyes completely gone as a permanent peaceful smile etched itself into her soft but stern features. Life seemed to slow down around him and all sound turned staticy and unclear. Jared started bawling, too heartbroken to even comfort Ike. Poor Ike, he had fallen to his knees, crying so loud people down the hall could hear him. Kyle couldn't control the tears that silently slid down his cheeks, he was in shock, in two seconds she was... gone. He comforted his crying family, sniffling silently but never breaking down, no, he'd have to save that for later when no one could see him be weak. He, being the only person not completely breaking was forced to talk to the doctors about donating his mother's organs  
"Everything useful except the skin, she... she always wanted her funeral to be an open casket" he responded quietly right after the doctor had asked the question. He was let out into the hall, which surprisingly, and fortunately for him was vacant. He finally broke down. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs as he slid down the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest and hiding his face in his knees. He took off his signature green ushanka to clutch onto since he had nothing else at the moment and he just continued to sob and sob until he felt large arms wrap around him and pull him close, stroking his back and hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear to calm him down since he was basically having a full blown attack. It took a couple seconds to realise that the person consoling him was his mortal frienemy, Eric Cartman. His eyes widened in shock  
"Wh-why are you here?" He asked, still crying. Cartman's eyes softened once he saw how heartbroken Kyle really was.  
"I realised Stan wasn't here with you when I saw Wendy dragging him around and thought you'd need someone, especially right now." He said. His voice was soft, and gentle and kind. He continued to cry in cartman's arms, not really being able stop himself even if he wanted to.  
"C-can you p-please not tell anyone I'm crying like this?" He asked Cartman, not expecting what Cartman said next.  
"Of course Kyle, of course" He had said Kyle's actual name, Not 'Kahl' or 'jew'. The pleasantly surprised male said a quiet 'thank you' before continuing to cry. Kyle buried his face in Cartman's chest, his hat had long since fallen out of the grip his hands had on it and had fallen to the floor. Kyle was now clutching onto Cartman's shoulders for comfort instead. Cartman continued to hold and comfort Kyle until Kyle was all cried out and cried himself to sleep. Despite popular belief, Cartman did hold compassion in his heart, but only for his little Jew.


	2. Chapter 2

Marjorine, or as most people would call her, Butters in a dress, was in trouble... again. She had gone to school as well, herself. 'Butters' found himself herself after about the seventh time Cartman made her dress up and spy on the girls. Marjorine kept thinking to herself " _I don't know a lot... but I know that this is right for me... I'm Marjorine."_ On multiple occasions she's experienced mocking, verbal and physical abuse, and sexual harassment from people who were just doing it in spite. But one person always saved her, the one she needed to defeat as professor chaos, none other than Mysterion. This time though, she didn't know whether or not she would make it out alive...  
She was walking home from her school, south park high, when she was suddenly violently yanked into the bushes, she could feel her shoulder dislocate just from the force of the pull and let out a shrill scream. She was quickly quieted by someone covering her mouth as another started cutting into her delicate skin. She screamed for help through the gag and tried to squirm away, which only made the knife go deeper into her arm. They ended up cutting the words "FAG" and "TRANNY" into her arm when suddenly, they were gone. Loud screams were heard but they weren't Marjorine's they were her attackers'. A friendly, familiar face appeared before her, looking a mixture of worried, sad and angry. Marjorine's face lit up in a hopeful smile as he picked her up bridal style and carried her to a house that looked very familiar to her. She caught one glimpse at her arm and her eye's widened, quickly turning her face away as she couldn't bear to see those horrid words they cut into her. Fresh tears formed in her eyes, sliding down her cheek as she choked back a small sob. Mysterion (Who has really been Kenny every time) kissed away her tears and held her closer. "shh shh Marjorine don't cry you're okay now, I got you" He reassured in the softest voice he could muster. "I got you doll" He repeated to calm her, now stroking her hair, something he learned relaxed her whenever she was sad or anxious. Marjorine's small sobs soon turned to small sniffles as she cuddled into Mysterion's chest, grateful her savior was here. "Th-thank you so much Mysterion" She thanked, cuddling deeper into his costume clad chest. This is how most of her nights ended now, cuddled into her savior's chest, drifting to sleep as the slightly familiar male comforted her and healed all her wounds. And she wouldn't have it any other way.


	3. Im Sorry!

_**I'm sorry people. There has been backup on my computer and all the documents I had on my laptop deleted. And just when I finished everything too! Thank you guys so much for reading and requesting and I'll rewrite and get them up as soon as I can. Bye! and ONE LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE**_


	4. Chapter 4

The kinder crew will be around 16/17 at the time of this story. This has REALLY dark themes and is really triggering for some people so if you have easy triggers DO NOT READ. this has a few different point of views so if it gets confusing at times I'm sorry. /strong/p

No one can know Filmore, especially Georgie!" I exclaimed, I knew speaking out was a huge mistake. there's no way he could help me and if anything Filmore would most likely just make everything worse... Georgie can't know, he won't love me anymore, he'll think I'm just a disgusting weakling like almost everybody else will.

I can't convince Ike to tell Georgie about what happened on the night, the night that made Ike terrified at every bump and poke, the night that tore him away from every friend and family member he has, that's why he came to me. I comforted the crying Raven haired boy in front of me, who was clearly having a existential crisis. "Filmore, you need to promise me you'll never tell anyone, he said if I told that he'd hurt Kyle, and my mom..." Those words made my heart sink, who was doing this to him anyway and why? "Ike, who is doing this to you?" I let the question slip. I saw fresh tears spring in his eyes, squeezing them shut and shaking his head, his soft whisper sent shivers of disgust down my spine.

"My dad..."

"I woke up this morning to see I was running late so I quickly pulled on my all black outfit and moved my hair out of my face before running to school, where I met my 'rag tag' group of friends, consisting of Filmore Anderson, Ruby Tucker, Karen McCormick (who was a year older than the rest of us), and- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO IKE? I see him walking over, a really bad limp and black eye, but everything else from the neck down is completely covered so anything could really be there... "Hey guys" Ike greeted us with a quiet voice, different from his usual cheery self, it was weird. The loop of shock registered on Fillmore's and Karen's faces, like this has taken place before and they knew about it. I try to gently take my best friend, and boyfriend by the arm, only for him to flinch and jerk his arm back, like he was scared that I was gonna do something. At this time I see Filmore pulling a little brown book out of Ike's back pack and motions for me to keep quiet. I couldn't give less of a shit what Filmore is doing, Ike looks like he's about to have a full blown attack. I gently lead him away from the group, "Hey, what's going on man? are you okay?" He doesn't answer, only looking to the ground, as if it has all the answers. "Ike... Please, what are you so scared of?-" I get interrupted.;""It's fine, I'm fine it's nothing, really." I say for the fourth time today, this time to Karen, who I bet has already told Kenny to tell Kyle about all my new bruises. It was around 2:30, which meant it was last period, thank God, actually, no... If rather be here being questioned than go back home to him... My thoughts are interrupted by seeing Georgie, reading my journal... The one in which I wrote gruesome details of what happened on those nights where he came into my room and assaulted me, humiliated me, stripped me of all my innocence and integrity. I let out a loud gasp

Dear Journal,  
A shadow came into my room tonight, he looked strangely like dad... He raped me. There's blood on my sheets, along with his semen and my tears, I can tell even in this dim lighting that he bruised me all over, he can't take me away, he can't... The wolf won't take me down.

I read the first entry, softly gasping in shock, This is why Ike had been so distant, so scared. I read

Dear Journal,

The wolf came in again, I tried so hard to fight him off, and I almost succeeded, until he threatened Kyle and Mom. I need to do what he says, they'd never suspect him so he could easily do whatever he wanted. I can't let him hurt them. Even if it means I get hurt, they don't have to.

Tears well up in my eyes, I scan over the words again, choking back a sob. I'm completely heartbroken by the recent tears I see on the next page, it must be from this morning.

Dear Journal,  
I call him the wolf, the wolf to make him as story-book as possible, its my father. The same father that insisted that my mom choose me to adopt. He has been getting more rough, I'm bleeding more and I now have a black eye. I can't cover it with my mom's makeup, her skin is much paler than mine, I guess I'll need to make something up. Georgie can't know. He'll think I'm weak, that I'm tainted, 'no one wants tainted meat' the wolf told me as I told the wolf about my crush on Georgie a few years ago... Now I know what he truly meant. I am tainted. That's why Georgie can never know.

Tears freely roll down my cheeks, Ike, my Ike, had been getting raped... And I didn't even know. I quickly turn to see my angel, gasping loud and quickly plucking the journal from my fingers, looking angry and defensive. "How did you get this?" He asked, a light pink tiny spreading over his cheeks, I don't even answer, I hug him close, feeling him tense, then relax. I start asking questions of my own "Why didn't you tell me? We could've done something! Did you tell anyone? Who knows? We need to report him!"

Georgie's loud badgering gives me flashbacks of bad memories and tears now roll down my cheeks. I'm trying to Squirm out of his and but he holds me firmly, not tight, just firm. "Ike, let me help you." I hear after all the questions, that's sends me over and I go into a fit of sobs, collapsing into his arms. I let out everything I've been keeping in for the past couple weeks. 

I hold Ike in my arms as his tears make a wet spot on my chest, it takes a couple minutes before he's all cried out. I look for words to say but before my brain works, my mouth does. "Ike, I will never stop loving you okay? No matter what happens. You are not tainted" This sends him crying again and I hold him as long as he needs, because he's my little black haired angel, and as much as I use to deny it, I love him, no matter what happens. I hold his smaller hands in mine as I lead him to the police station, where we start the healing process. Together

IM SORRY I just love hurt/comfort romance oneshots...


	5. Chapter 5

This is just a chapter that I have on my Quotev that I wanted to put here. A new chapter will probably be up by Sunday.

Again. This happened... AGAIN! Kyle wondered why he still made bets with Cartman. This one had the worst loser consequence yet...

"You need to be my servant for Two weeks! " Cartman announced proudly, Kyle let out a groan of helplessness. This was HELL. What had he done to deserve thi-

His thoughts were interrupted.

"Kahl! Buy me some cheesy poofs!" Cartman demanded. "Why? You just had a bag" Kyle asked, hoping to not have to do it. "Because I want some more now go get me some cheesy poofs, you lost the bet. That means you need to do as I say" Kyle gave an exasperated sigh "fine, I'll be back" he said. He took his sweet ass time getting the cheesy poofs. He put them on the table in front of fatass Cartman. "Here ya go, your royal highness" he said sarcastically. He heard a laugh from cartman. "I like that. Call me that from now on, and lose the tone" he ordered. Kyle facepalmed. He seriously wasn't expected to call cartman that right? WRONG.  
"Whatever" he said under his breath. He heard Cartman clear his voice and he soon figured out that he was ACTUALLY serious. He had to correct himself, he lost the bet! "Whatever, your... Royal Highness" he said dryly as he walked away, listening to Cartman's loud and obnoxious laughter.

~TIMESKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY A TWERKING KYLE (Kyle's cousin Kyle)~

School had ended a couple of hours ago and Kyle was just finishing his homework when he heard his phone chime quietly. He sighed, picking it up to see a text from Cartman. It said "get over here Jew. That's an order" he scoffed, then realising that he had to do it, he got up and changed out of his pajamas back into his normal clothes and walked to cartman's house. He rang the doorbell To be pulled in by Cartman. "What do you want fatass?!" He asked, annoyed, then realising the 'royal Highness' thing he corrected himself. "Okay, I have an offer, you follow these last two orders, you won't have to be my servant anymore." He offered. This sounded good enough and without thinking, he nodded his consent. "Okay, good" that smirk on cartman's face was an indicator something bad was gonna happen.  
Cartman walked over to A record player, which Kyle assumed was his mom's, and turned it on. The song playing was one that Kyle recognized instantly, 'My funny Valentine' by Frank Sinatra. "Ooh this is a classic" Kyle said quietly, so cartman couldn't hear. "First order, dance with me" cartman said simply. Kyle felt heat rise to his cheeks and knew he was blushing. "But I have two left feet." Kyle complained, hoping to get out of this one, but he had no such luck. He felt his hand soon incased in cartman's and cartman's other arm wrapped around his waist. "I'll lead then." He heard as they started moving. This was awkward but kyle surprisingly didn't mind. Kyle was still blushing a light pink as the song ended.

"I have one more command..." Cartman said, catching Kyle's attention instantly, especially since his arm was still wrapped around Kyle's waist. Kyle looked up at him "what is it?" He asked quietly, nervous beyond compare.  
"Kiss me"


	6. Chapter 6

Kyle Broflovski loved Karen McCormick.

But... Kyle respected Kenny's wishes. _**Don't go near my fucking sister, she's too pure, so don't touch her. If you do, I'll rip your fucking nuts off.**_ The threat rang in his head every time he had a conversation with her, or every time her soft hand brushed against his. Or everytime-

"Hey Jew! You gonna get on the bus or are we all gonna stand here waiting for the rest of the day for you to stop fantasizing about your nonexistent girlfriend?" Cartman barked, laughing maliciously afterward, knowing he had embarrassed the redhead outside of the bus. Kyle didn't dignify that with a response, he simply got up off the bench and trudged onto the bus. He saw from his seat, two people running up to catch the bus. Karen and Kenny. Once they were safely-ish inside, (Craptree) sped off, causing Kenny to fall into Stan's seat and Karen to fall right into Kyle's lap... Well shit!

"Oh, hey Kyle, sorry about... ya know... falling on you" Karen apologized with a lighthearted chuckle that, to Kyle, could've just as well been the sound of angels singing.

 _Why is she so fucking PERFECT. Damn, Why am I falling so hard? This is WRONG. This is Kenny's sister, Kenny's INNOCENT sister._

Before he knew, Karen was already laughing and joking about the dark pink tint that stained the bridge of his nose and his cheeks.

"It's fine Karen." He droned, trying to not get bad attention from Kenny, who had been watching the two of them. Eventually, they got off the bus and into the school building...

Karen McCormick loved Kyle Broflovski

But... Karen had remembered Ike's warning _In a few years, Kyle will be eighteen, and you'll be sixteen or seventeen. That's illegal._ Even though her witty response of 'Age is just a number' had stopped Ike for a bit, he soon began replying with a clever, _And a jail cell is just a room!_ This incredibly awkward encounter of her falling right into her crush' lap stunned her, she had soon jumped off of him and onto the actual isle seat, catching Ike's menacing glare from the back of the bus. The bus ride itself was more awkward, with her making subtle little moves that Kyle didn't even notice! And who the FUCK wouldn't notice her hand legitimately resting on his thigh?! How oblivious was this guy? Once they had finally got off the bus she had avoided the Broflovskis, especially Ike, like the bubonic plague. Being herself, trapped in her thoughts, she bumped into her brother.

"Hey Kenny!" She greeted cheerfully, a smile on her face. Her brother was overprotective and very 'big brother' type, but she really needed that considering her parents really didn't give a shit.

"Hey Karen, Kyle wasn't bothering you was he?" He asked, a concerned and slightly angry tone to his voice. This had confused Karen to no end 'Why would Kyle bother me? He couldn't like me too could he?' She thought to herself, a light blush dusted over her cheeks.

"No, he was actually really quiet, do you think he's in some kind of mood?" She asked, actually sounding concerned for the boy. She noticed her brother, Kenny grinding his teeth with furrowed brows. Seemingly very pissed at her tone.

"Hmm, something like that, c'mon Karen, let's get you to class" He said, leading her closer to class, and farther away from her secret crush...]

Kyle Broflovski and Karen McCormick loved each other... but no one could know, not even each other...


	7. Hey guys, Again

Hey guys, again.

I do not know how to remove/report guest comments but personally, as a bisexual, those comments put a bit of a damper on my prideful mood. Sadly, there won't be a chapter up this week but next week, there will be two oneshots posted (hopefully), Creek and Candy. Have an amazing day y'all and ONE LOVEEEE!


	8. Chapter 8

/I'M SO Sorry. Oh god I say that a lot! I finished both of the oneshots, then I started a new project and these didn't upload properly, so I've been preoccupied with the new project and haven't re-uploaded these! Sorry guys/

"I hate that hoe!" This was how Eric Cartman's four friends were greeted by him at the end of the day. His normal response was "I'm guessing you two fought again?" This was a question to which the answer was always yes. Cartman had gotten in more arguments with Wendy Testaburger nowadays than he did with Kyle! And considering Kyle and Cartman almost kill each other on a weekly basis, that's saying a lot.

"What happened this time fatass? She call you out in debate again? How many times did I tell you, you can't beat her" Kyle rolled his eyes. This was legitimate advice but with Cartman's and Kyle's friendship being what it was, they took everything from each other as a challenge. "Shut the fuck up jew! The bigger problem is that hoe is always fucking making little snide comments and acting all hoe-ish! She moves really close to me, then as soon as I acknowledge her existence, she completely denies what she was doing and goes back to her seat! It's infuriating!" This explanation from Cartman made the other three boys laugh amongst themselves.

"So... she's... you?" Kenny asked. He wasn't particularly _wrong_. That was exactly what Cartman does to win an argument, and he does it all the time, with no shame, to everyone. Everyone that is... except Wendy. As Kenny pondered the other three boys discussed ways to beat Wendy.

"Dude, if she's just waiting for you to acknowledge her, don't" Stan suggested as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He shrugged and was about to say something else before being cut off by the fatass.

"It's not that easy when her tits are pressed against me and she's five inches from my fucking face!-"

"Dude... do you like her?" The blondest of the four boys asked out of no where. All three of the rant-receivers saw Cartman's face turn the lightest shade of pale pink, which would almost be impossible to detect if the other three boys weren't looking for it. "Oh. My. God. She's **your** hoe!" Kenny laughed. He supported it of course, and could clearly see that it would work. Wendy didn't use those types of tactics on anyone but Cartman, so it was highly likely that she held a fondness for him too.

"Ugh, fine, I like the ho, okay?! What should I do? Huh Kenny? Write her a love note?" Cartman asked, the end being more mocking than anything.

"Actually..."

* * *

That's exactly what Cartman ended up doing. The note was godawful, but it did the job.

 _'Dear Wendy Testaburger,_

 _First off, please stop being such a fucking ho. I can't really debate when your titties are practically in my mouth. Second, I... like you, okay? You're smart, for a ho, and you're... I don't know I just like you. So... I was gonna ask if you could be my candy ho?_

 _~"FatAss"_

Four days later, he got a note back

 _'Dear FatAss,_

 _It's nice to know that my plan worked, and just so you know I like you back. But I am NOT gonna be your candy ho, if anything, you're my candy ho for all the work I had to do to get you to like me. Meet me under the bleachers at the football game._

 _~Hoe* not Ho._

* * *

Kenny turned to his younger sister, Karen. "And that is how I got the most unlikely of couples together, they're still together to this day. Even though they fight like an old-married couple, pretty amazing, huh?" The two then went on to talk about what Karen did this week.

/I HAD to add some Kenny and Karen sibling stuff bc they are the cutest set of siblings (Better than Kyle and Ike, fight me XD) I hoped you enjoyed this little drabble and the story of how Cartman and Wendy became the (CANDY) ho couple./


End file.
